Leesa

DeVantier

Welcome to my blog. You'll find gritty issues, humorous stories and helpful advice served with wit, honesty, a touch of sarcasm and a few typos maybe because we are all human.

 

By Leesa DeVantier, Nov 1 2017 02:31PM

I had an email earlier this week asking me to define this using #SuccessIs. If you have seen my YouTube channel, then you will already know what my take on success is; it’s being able to do what you love and follow your passion. For lots of us, this doesn’t lead to fame or riches, but it doesn’t matter because we enjoy what we do. That’s not to say that what we do doesn’t come with drawbacks, but nothing is stress/pain free.


Being a writer may sound easy. Most people think that all we do is sit in our PJ’s and type, and lots of the time that’s true. I feel damn lucky that on winter mornings I can lounge about in my comfy, warm clothes and drink hot chocolate whilst snuggled under a blanket typing away whilst other people have to venture out into the cold on packed public transport to go to jobs that they do to pay the bills rather than because it is something they enjoy, but that is only one side of it. A creative mind is a fickle thing, one day you can be writing for 18 hours solid because your brain won’t stop (even when it is well past midnight and everyone else is tucked up in bed) and then there are the days when you stare at a blank screen in dismay and your brain just won’t get into gear. The mental anguish of that is something every writer knows all too well unfortunately.


If the sleep deprivation doesn’t get you, then the being social will. I am a social person, but in situations where it’s natural, put me in with a crowd of people and expect me to sell myself and my books and I crumble. Why? I have no idea. It is part of my job to be out there and meet people, but I suck at it. I’m not a sales person, and I will never be the sort to pressure sell someone a book. I have seen it done. I have been at events and the writer next to me has sold more books than me because they have used pressure sales tactics to bully someone into buying their books, but that isn’t me. I want people to buy a book because they like the sound of it or like previous works of mine. I’m happy that everyone who leaves my presence at an event feels that they have something they want not the question “why did I just buy this?” on their mind. That means I may not sell more than others, but I have a clear conscious which is alright by me.


I doubt I will ever be on the bestseller list, it’s loss in my opinion ;-) , but that is not what drives me. I have written since I was small, and what drives me to do what I do is to take someone on an adventure that I created to entertain me. If it entertains someone else as well, then I’m happy. I don’t make millions, nor do I ever envisage I will, but the feeling of waking up to an email, from someone who felt compelled to contact me to tell me how much they loved the book, is worth more to me than any monetary figure. Sure, I wouldn’t turn down a huge pay check, but I don’t want one if it means I have to sell work I don’t believe in or I have to be someone I’m not.


So, I guess success for me means someone took pleasure from what I created. When I first started out, I said to Ric that I would class myself as a success when I have sold a book to someone who I don’t know. I then changed that to selling the second book to someone I don’t know who liked the first. I changed that to selling a book in a different genre to someone I don’t know who liked my other works. I am not going to change the goal posts any further because I don’t need to. I set myself small goals and I’ve reached them and now I am living the life I have wanted to since I was little. I will always write, as I always have, and if people still want to read it then I will continue publishing it. My advice, don’t look to money and fame to measure your success, look to goals you are happy with and revel in reaching them. Your life is yours, no one else’s. There will always be people with bigger and better things than you, but what does that matter? Live your life for you and enjoy the successes you can achieve.


By Leesa DeVantier, Oct 17 2017 10:26AM

As I was busy last week with Leeds Business Week where I had to be an adult, join the rat race every morning on the formidable daily commute and sit listening to talk after talk whilst studiously making notes, I didn’t get much time to write a blog or anything really. So, here I am with something for you.


In the last few weeks, newspapers and news websites have been running numerous stories about us Brits and our sex lives. Now, I am hardly a prude, but these stories have me blushing in both embarrassment and disgust. Despite being an open minded modern woman, I have to wonder what the hell is going on with my fellow Brits at the moment. We are seen the world over as the prudish types who get embarrassed easily and would rather drink a cup of tea than see our lover naked, and yet these headlines are springing up:


"British couple’s ‘sex act’ picture causes Greek monastery to ban foreign weddings"


'Student caught ‘shagging the place down’ was told he had gone viral by his mum"


"Couple caught on CCTV having sex in Domino’s face jail"


These are not isolated cases, there has been a couple on a path next to a graveyard (no, not goths!) and one couple on a packed passenger jet whilst he was on his stag do and his pregnant soon to be wife was at home (nice!). If you fancy seeing how uttery shameless some people can be, check out the links to the news stories below. So why are these springing up now?


Firstly, I have never bought into the idea that we are prudish, it was a clever ploy to keep people thinking well of us whilst we were all at it like rabbits. The Victorian era is seen as a time we were wholesome but, in truth, it was a moment in history when we were behaving like sexual deviants and loving every minute of it. Don’t believe me? Look at when all the erotic postcards starting being produced, the erotic literature, the biggest number of brothels in operation and, of course, the medical advancements. Only the Victorian’s, if reports are to be believed (google it but make sure you clear your google search history after), could make a device that claimed to solve “female hysteria” and what they produced was basically a vibrator that doctors would recommend ladies use regularly to keep us calm. If they had prescribed Jack Daniel’s and chocolate too, I think I could have seen myself enjoying the Victorian era a lot.


So, if we had the perfect cover for having our cake (or sex) and eating it, then why have we deviated from that and become so unashamed about our behaviour? I believe that has more to do with the society we live in today than our roots in repression. In the modern world people seem to have a “I can do what I want” attitude and never stop to think about what impact their actions will have on others. In the case of the newlyweds, they were disrespecting a religious place and have destroyed the chance of any other couple marrying there. In the case of the couple at the railway station, it was during a period when young children could have seen the activity. I am all for being open and honest with children, but if I had a small child that witnessed that and had to process what they saw, I don’t think I could be held responsible for my actions. As for the couple in dominos, firstly – how unhygienic, and secondly, don’t be putting me off my pizza after a boozy night out or someone could get badly hurt by one being inserted where no pizza has gone before! Although, after some of the stuff I have read about, maybe it has.


We have all been caught up in the moment, and have all engaged in risky behaviour for the thrill of being caught with our pants down, quite literally, but there is a difference between a public place and a place where people are actually wandering about. In the dark in a secluded spot is a lot different to on a train station platform in the morning rush hour or at the counter of a shop you’ve just ordered food from. I certainly would have never taken a picture of the act and uploaded it for the world to see. We all may want to have fun on our wedding day and be a but quirky, but there is fun and there is crude and bad taste. I’m sure that their children will love to see that pic in the wedding album! Maybe I am too much of a romantic and think that my better half’s bare arse should be for me not the world to see, or maybe I am insulted that it’s always the woman going down on the guy for the “funny photo”. Maybe for my “funny” wedding photo I’ll hitched my dress above my knees, spread eagle on a table and have his head in my crotch whilst I neck a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. If that doesn’t say classy affair, nothing will!


I think us Brits were never prudes, and we are a little sex mad behind the scenes, but what I feel is behind this spate of very ill thought out sessions is a lack of shame driven by changes in society. The lesson to be taken from all this is never date a man who wants to do it in the glare of the public for two reasons; firstly, you’ll end up on the news and your mum will call you out on it (Platform guy, you deserved it!) and secondly, the sex is short and crap. I may like to be a lady in public but, in the bedroom, a few minutes doesn’t live up to my expectations nor should it for any other lady. A quick knee trembler isn’t worth being known as an idiot, getting a criminal record and the world seeing your bare arse. Wait until you can get to spot where you can fully enjoy each other, the build-up of suspense is worth the wait and the luxury of time means longer to savour each other. I’d take multiple orgasms over a criminal record any day.


Sources:


Dominos story:


http://metro.co.uk/2017/10/17/couple-caught-on-cctv-having-sex-in-dominos-face-jail-7005332/


Platform story:


http://metro.co.uk/2017/10/15/student-caught-shagging-the-place-down-was-told-he-had-gone-viral-by-his-mum-7001162/


Wedding Story:


http://metro.co.uk/2017/10/16/british-couples-sex-act-picture-causes-greek-monastery-to-ban-foreign-weddings-6997702/



By Leesa DeVantier, Oct 6 2017 04:54PM

“You’re the type who he’d buy you a Gucci dress and you’d turn around and say ‘screw you, I’m wearing jeans and a t-shirt on the red carpet’.” That’s how my closest friend of 18 years describes me. Now it’s not because I don’t like pretty clothes, I LOVE pretty clothes and nothing gives me more pleasure than getting all dressed up, I own 1930’s silk gowns for a reason ;-), and it isn’t because I don’t like gifts, December is my birthday month if you want to be planning ahead ;-), it is because I am not a girl that can be bought. On my quest to understand the world of cheats and liars, yes, I’m still on that mission and finding all the facts and gossip out for you, it has come to my attention that I need to take a long hard look at myself.


It is widely acknowledged within my social circle that I am a very strong woman with a fiery temperament that sits at great odds to my loving and caring side. Anyone who gets close to me I mother like mad and fuss over, but anyone who crosses me better duck and run for cover. I have been described by one male friend as “all fire and ice” and another, who is a cad, as “the ice queen”, yet I am also the one everyone comes to for help, advice, love and compassion. I’m very passionate, which I guess is driven by the fiery side, and although I’m known to be mature beyond my years, I am also the one who can change the conversation to sex within minutes of my arrival and am most likely to do or say something silly to crack everyone up. I have a range of very different interests from Burlesque to Shakespeare with criminology, history and fashion thrown in there too. I don’t act like most women, and that has been noted my entire life. All of this means I am very unusual, I have always been seen as such, and I guess I always will be. So, when a man boasts about his bank balance, I don’t swoon at the prospect of what that could mean for me, my back goes up and I knock him off his high horse. This is where I begin to wonder about my actions.


If a cad comes after me, I toy with him and enjoy the game, if a nice normal type of guy comes after me then I have lovely conversations and see where it goes, but if a confident man who boasts comes after me, I go for blood. It is not because I am not happy that someone has made a success of their life, I have always been the type to be happy for other people and congratulate them on the successes they have achieved through their hard work and dedication, but it’s the fact that a man feels the need to flash the cash to obtain my interest. I find it damn insulting, but why?


My first real boyfriend, Steve, was when I was 17 and he 19, and he was lovely. We had worked together for nearly a year, in a part time capacity whilst he was at university and I was studying for my A Levels, before we decided to take the plunge. He was an utter sweetheart, and no woman in the world could have faulted him, yet only a couple of months in, I ended the relationship. Why? Because he was too nice. I kid you not! There was also the matter of he fell for me harder than I was falling for him and I worried that I might hurt him in the future too, but the overriding feeling I had about that relationship was that it was overly frustrating.


Steve was, as I have already said, lovely. He was well educated, polite, well mannered, attentive, sweet and immaculately dressed. He worked hard in everything he did and it was something that I admired greatly about him, and yet just a few months in I had left him, and a couple of months later was dating an “older, broke, scruffy barman” (his words not mine) and was much happier. Why? Well that broke, scruffy barman had a great body, but he also did not have wealth to fall back on so couldn’t try to dazzle me with expense even if he wanted to. Mine and Steve’s first date was perfect; he picked me up from work and walked me home whilst insisting on carrying my bag. He introduced himself to my parents and gave them assurances of his intentions as I got changed. He apologised for us catching a bus, I really didn’t mind, and insisted he paid the fare. Being our first date and all, I thought ok go with it. He had booked a table in a very posh Italian restaurant and ordered champagne as soon as we got there. After we had eaten our delightful meals, which he insisted was his treat, we made our way to a nightclub where a work colleague of ours moonlighted. After a drink there, again he insisted on his tab, we got a taxi back to mine which he rode back to his house which was miles away. I had not spent one penny, but being the first date, I thought he was just being the chivalrous gentleman and was grateful for the sentiment. The problem was, date after date, he refused to let me pay, and I was growing tired of it. I didn’t want him to feel he had to, or that I expected it of him, and I wanted to treat him to show that I cared for him too, but he wasn’t letting me do it and it drove me crazy.


After a couple of weeks, it was Valentine’s day. I had made him agree that we hadn’t been together long enough to get presents, so a card was all we would be exchanging. He agreed, and I thought I had him now. I went to the card shop and found the biggest one I could find, had to bend it in half to get it in my locker at work. I was pleased with myself because I thought I had finally one upped him, but then he appeared with his hand behind his back. He had bought me a lovely gold and silver necklace from an expensive jewellers. I tried to refuse it, but he insisted, and it appeared to everyone else I was acting like a jerk for not accepting it, so I felt pressured to. The girl I knew who was dating a manager at the place only got a bunch of flowers, and here I was with a lovely piece of jewellery and I was whining. What the hell was wrong with me? To add insult to injury, he had bought an equally ridiculous sized card, and his wasn’t bent in half like mine had been.


Fast forward a few months, and I’m dating someone who thought taking me to Burger King was the height of haute cuisine, and he hadn’t checked the times of the showing so we missed the film we were meant to be going to see at the cinema. We had our first argument, well if you don’t count the one where I called him weird for wearing black nail polish after he had called me weird for wanting to microwave a building (long story but a perfectly reasonable reason why I wanted to), after he tried to pay for my burger and chips and I flat out refused and he did it anyway. The relationship may have been worlds apart from what I had previously known, but I was happier and more at ease (note: he only ever paid for 2 meals after that – one Valentine’s day and one birthday - everything was 50/50).


So, when I received this message from a guy whilst I was doing my research, I wasn’t surprised by my response but, at the same time, I began to wonder what the hell is wrong with me. I posted this up on Facebook, and sure enough, my friends agreed I’m an idiot (who needs enemies when you have friends eh?). I started to wonder what my problem was, had I just cut my nose off to spite my face? He was good looking, only 10 years older than me, which is perfect in my eyes, educated and played the drums (drummers = my weakness), it was all good until I got to that last line. Why did he think it made a difference to me how much he had earnt? I know that there are a lot of women out there who love to be lavished with gifts and a wealthy man is what they seek, but I’m certainly not one of them. My response says it all, and I meant it. He had managed to blow any chance he may have had with one little line out of all of them, and I wondered why that mattered to me so much. Was I really not going to get to know someone because they claimed to have money? Why was I behaving in a way that most other women wouldn’t? Then Ric uttered that line I started this article with, and it all made sense, because none of it impresses me, because I look for the personality of a person not the money, because I’m a strong and independent woman who makes my own way in the world and doesn’t desire anyone’s money. I have had to learn over the years that it is not weakness to admit that you need help, that we are all human and we all need a support network, but that is not to say that I want someone to make my life easier by throwing money at it.


As I sit here not drinking Jack Daniels out of the barrel with a straw whilst dripping in diamonds, I contemplate if I regret not taking those wealthy men up on their offers? I’m sure that waking up in a bed, that I haven’t had to build, which would fill my entire bedroom and is draped in silk sheets that are changed by maids whilst my personal chef cooks my breakfast, would be more relaxing than my hectic mornings, but I am also sure I would be bored of that lifestyle, and not having jobs to do, very quickly too. There have been women who have formed attachments with much older men and lived glorious lifestyles because of it, and all they had to do was offer companionship and maybe a little in between the sheets action every now and then. So why do I work hard and tirelessly when I could have it all given to me? The answer; I want to have pride in what I have achieved and be able to respect the partner I chose. Yeah my bed might only be a double not even a king size, but I built that sucker and the sense of achievement when I struggled up two flights of stairs with all the bits and built the thing I would lay my weary bones down on every night, was better than anything anyone could have bought me. I’m not saying that I don’t want a man to spoil me with meals out and flowers every so often, what I’m saying is I want him to let me spoil him too. Am I being an idiot? Most women would probably say yes, but they are not me. Besides, I have a bottle of Jack Daniels and a magnifying glass, so excuse me now whilst I go have a glass of whiskey whilst looking at my diamond rings under super magnification. Yeah, it might not be the same, but I’m happy with my lot in life, the lot I have achieved and worked for.




By Leesa DeVantier, Sep 29 2017 06:42PM


This week, instead of my planned blog on cheating, I have decided to look at feminists after the passing of Hugh Hefner and the furore that has sprung up around it.


I’m a woman, a woman who has faced true prejudice for simply being female. I am all for both men and women being seen and treated as equal, but is the feminist movement helping or hindering that cause? I would never term myself feminist, despite my desire for equality of the sexes which is supposedly the core aim of the movement, and the simple reason I don’t is because I see the movement as actually damaging what we hope to achieve. The passing of Hefner, highlighted this further for me.


In the past, women have been used very badly, our worth has been overlooked and our place in society has been seen as lowly, but that is not what we face today in most modern countries in the world. Yes, there is still a glass ceiling in many industries, one which should not exist, and yes, there are institutions that are still very much “old boys clubs”, but on the whole, we live in a pretty equal society. Why do I think this? Because of how women are treated, but also how women treat men.


Attitudes to women have changed vastly in my lifetime. When I was 16, and coming to the end of my compulsory education, I had three choices ahead of me; leave to get a job, stay on for further education or leave and train in a modern apprenticeship. My father, an engineer, had always treated me more like a boy than a girl. I was taught DIY so I could look after my own house when I got one, we watched football/rugby together and he taught me how to shoot his pellet gun in the back garden. So, if the zombie apocalypse happens anytime soon, I could pellet the hell out of those suckers and rugby tackle them.


My father was not above a bit of sexism; he bought my brother a double bed when he was 16, and let my brother’s girlfriend sleep over in it. I was 18 at the time, and my boyfriend had to sleep downstairs on the sofa. When I pointed out that was unfair, my father declared “well your brother can’t get pregnant!”. I have always been quick witted, and some might say cheeky, so I swiftly retorted “no, he can get someone pregnant and be screwed for child support for the next 18 years.” He had no come back for that other than to get annoyed and storm off saying I was his daughter and no man under his roof would be touching her. That aside, my father treated my mother as an equal in all matters. They both worked, both cooked, both did things around the house. Their earnings were put into a joint account and both of them could take what they liked after bills had been paid. He never went “out with the boys” and left her looking after the kids at home, he always went out with her. So, I grew up seeing that a marriage is a partnership and a husband and wife are equal.


My father wanted me to follow in his footsteps and become an engineer because he thought it would ensure I would always have a job and be able to take care of myself. I went to the technology college and sat the exam. There were around 300 of us who took it, and I was the only girl. I aced the exam, in fact, I scored the top mark out of the whole 300 of us. I was then called in to do a practical exam and equally impressed the college staff with my ability to solder LED’s (light emitting diodes – for those who are wondering) into a circuit. Now all I had to do was find a company to take me on.


The companies I was put forward to knew nothing about me other than I was a girl, what I had scored in my exam, and that the college was happy to put me forward. I got not one interview, in fact, all I actually got was one solitary rejection letter from a major multinational electronics company whose name starts with S and ends in Y. This letter had to be seen to be believed. In fact, my technology teacher, Mr Lambert, didn’t believe me until I showed him it. He was all for me becoming an engineer. There were only 3 girls including me who had taken resistant materials at GCSE level, and he liked the idea that he had helped one of us break through into the industry. When he read the letter, he was both shocked and appalled, but there was nothing anyone could do. The college couldn’t find me an interview, let alone a placement, so I ended up going on into the sixth form and taking the more conventional A Level and then Degree route and left a career in engineering well behind me.


That happened 20 years ago, if it had of happened today, I would have had much more help getting an interview because I would be seen as a diversity candidate, and if sexism was even a consideration, I could have sued the pants off any company that didn’t even give me a chance at an interview. As for the letter from S ending in Y, I still have that to this day as a reminder of why I work so hard to be what I want. To be honest, I am glad I didn’t go down that route. At 16 I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life, and I wasn’t passionate about going into that industry, I saw it more as just a job to earn some money, so that extra time gave me the chance to work out what I wanted to do, hone new skills, give me valuable life lessons and help me meet people who helped shape who I am today. Sexism actually worked out for me in the end, even if at the time I was down heartened and livid.


So, I have seen the world change for the better in terms of sexism towards my sex, but what about towards men? Sexism seems to be switching sides, and the evidence for this is blatant. If men take on roles that traditionally women hold, such as househusband, nurse, nursery nurse etc., women still happily comment on it as though it is ok to make issue of the occurrence. When a man is a stripper, women happily go in groups to watch them and announce to everyone that that is what they are doing. If a man was to do that, he would be seen as a sexist pig objectifying women. How can that possibly be correct?


There is no place more blatantly sexist than adverts. Remember the Alpen advert (if not look at the link down at the bottom) where some hunky men are objectified? They show women exercising and say that it is sexist to have the women there in their gym wear exercising so the advert cuts to men doing the same and the voice over says “there, that’s better”. How on earth is that better? Why is it ok for us to openly objectify men but not them us? The hypocrisy is astounding.


The most interesting piece on sexism I have read recently was an article on the BBC about James Cameron’s thoughts on the new Wonder Woman movie. I liked that movie, it was truly entertaining and well done, but at the same time, I didn’t see why it was a true show of feminism. Cameron calls this out in the article, and I have to agree with him. Gal Gadot is a stunning woman, in fact, she is my girl crush. When you cast a “Miss *insert country here*” (in Gals case Israel) and put her in a very sexy form fitting skimpy costume, is that feminism? If it had been a male director who had done that, would it be seen as championing the cause? The answer is certainly not. Gal was fantastic as Wonder Woman, but I am sure that there were women less stunning who could have been. How is it championing feminism if you are using someone who is part of an industry that goes against your feminist principles?


A woman’s body is a beautiful thing. I’m heterosexual, but sometimes I look at a woman and say “now that girl is hot”. Am I objectifying her? There is nothing wrong with appreciating beauty, and women do it all the time towards men. In this day and age men are told not to objectify women, but we seem to have free reign to objectify them. Men are facing a crisis in image in the world right now. Never before have so many men had eating disorders (up 70% over the past 6 years.) and body hang ups, and that is down to how society is changing and how women treat men. Women are now demanding men who are groomed so well that they could grace the cover of GQ magazine but who, when topless, have a physique that wouldn’t look out of place on the front of Men’s Health.


In this modern world, I actually feel sorry for men because the tables have turned and they are powerless to do anything about it. There is no greater example of this than domestic abuse. When it happens to a woman it is taken seriously, when it happens to a man there is a stigma around it. A man will suffer in silence because he feels there is no one who will take him seriously and treat him with the fairness that he deserves, the same happens with an eating disorder. Domestic abuse towards men is a real issue, one which is not treated equally in society, but there is no such thing as Manism (or masculineism as Ric suggested, and he is male so hey I’ll let him name it). Where are the groups championing for male rights? When an advert comes out that shows men in a provocative light, who is asking for it to be banned because it will damage the body image/confidence of young men? When a group of women go to a strip bar and ogle the men, where are the groups with placards chanting about objectifying and how disgusting they are being? When a man faces sexism in his role as a nurse, househusband or other female dominated role, where are the lawyers taking on the cases in court? When a woman jokes that she only needs her man for sex and sperm as she can do everything else, where are the cries of sexism?


I’m going to make a controversial statement, but I am afraid it makes sense. In this modern world, we make objects of ourselves. There is no better example of this than Kim Kardashian, what exactly is she famous for? Getting her body out and making a sex tape. Does she have some redeeming talent that means she is worthy of praise? No, unless being a bint is suddenly praiseworthy, but she has made millions from using her body to gain fame. She has been managed by her mother who has positioned herself in a role that allows her to make money from her daughters airheadness. Is that any different from Hefner? So why is it sexist for him to do it but not for the “momager”?


No one made women pose nude in Playboy or be bunnies, women saw it as a badge of honour to be desired and wanted to do it. There may have been strict working practises in place to keep a public image of the women, but it is a company that is selling a brand image, any company which does that has a dress code and codes of practise. Again, women applied to be a bunny knowing what was involved, no one put a gun to their head and told them they had to, they could have taken a different job. There are many professions out there that don’t involve removing your clothes or cosying up to rich men.


The truth is that women have used their incredible forms and beauty to bewitch men since the dawn of time to gain what they want. How many women have you heard boast about the fact they have never had to pay for a drink or a meal they have eaten out? And don’t get me started on the women who have men buy them things to keep them happy. Have some god damn self-respect for yourself and earn your own god damn money and buy your own god damn things! The growing number of girls who want to be “celebrities” for nothing more than wearing makeup, tightfitting clothes and dating someone rich and famous is abhorrent, and they are making an object of themselves. Isn’t that what the feminists are meant to be stopping? So why is it on the rise and so prevalent.


There are tales passed down the generations about women seducing men to gain advantage. Hefner’s wife is an intelligent, good looking woman who could have a number of young handsome men. Did she decide to marry a bricklayer earning £9 an hour, or did she marry someone with millions? Rich men want a young hot wife, and the young hot wife wants someone to spend millions on them. That sounds like an equal deal to me. Has Hefner used the female form to get himself rich? – yes. Have those same women used the fact men want to see them naked to get themselves rich? – yes. So, both Hefner and his models used men to get themselves rich – isn’t that equality? Both were screwing over men for money.


Looking at the women who have mourned his passing, and what they have had to say about their involvement in the magazine, it becomes very interesting. Dita Von Teese, the epitome of stunning in my mind, thanked him for giving her the chance to be on the cover and launching her career to be what it is it today. Does Dita appear to you to be a woman who isn’t savvy enough to know what she is doing? She has made a living from being a seductress, and I am sure she hates all the money and adoration she receives from it. Pamela Anderson, clearly she hated every second too and Elvira, etc. All these very strong and savvy business women all thanked him for the chance he gave them. So is there anything wrong with it as long as all parties are happy about the arrangement? A woman can make money however she likes, so if she chooses to take her clothes off to make some, that is her choice. Why blame the man when both are just as implicit? Has it been forgotten that there was, until recently, a Playgirl magazine objectifying the male form? The editor in chief was a woman, does that mean it was ok? I am not going to hold Hefner up as a champion of women’s rights, but neither do I feel it is just to label him the devil incarnate either.


The truth is that we all objectify, whether we mean to or not. I can’t see a policeman in uniform without having a sneaky ogle because the uniform just does it for me. The DeVantier Publications girls all have our favourite calendar boys, all topless and toned, but if this was a male dominated office, would the boys be allowed their topless lust objects on the wall? You hear jokes like “I’d slide down his pole” about firemen or “he can cuff me any day” about policemen, and although it isn’t very polite to be objectifying a person, we are animals at heart who really only want to sleep, eat and mate. Women get away with manhandling a policeman (will point out I never have manhandled one!) because they use the excuse “I can’t resist a man in a uniform” and the policeman is meant to laugh it off, but if a man was to lay a finger on a policewoman and try to utter that, he would be arrested immediately for being disrespectful and sexist. The double standards need to stop. There is nothing wrong with finding another person attractive, and sex sells for a reason; because we all respond to it, but let’s not allow ourselves to victimise one group and not the other.


Surely we should be teaching children to respect everyone and promote equality. I don’t want kids growing up in a world where we have taught them that it’s ok to give rights to women but not to men. If I had a son, I would be worried for the future he faced because the pressures on young men are just as great as the pressures on young women, but he would face the added issue of no support from others because he has to be a “man” and “deal with it” or be ridiculed for not being manly enough.


So, in conclusion, are feminists harming their own cause; absolutely! When most people think of a feminist, they think of some old, wrinkly, greying woman with hippy clothes and saggy boobs because she burnt her bra many years ago. For me the word conjures up an image of a relic of society, one that is no longer needed in my opinion. Feminism is a word that needs eradicating because it has been tainted by women who are hypocritical and have used the word to champion inequality. I want a world where the word feminism doesn’t exist because I want a world where sexism is used instead, where both sexes are held accountable for their actions, where sexism is a revolving door not just the sole use of one group. After all, isn’t that what feminists want? Equality?


Further reading:


Report on male eating disorders:


https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/jul/31/eating-disorders-in-men-rise-by-70-in-nhs-figures


James Cameron's BBC article:


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-41426260


Alpen Advert:


https://youtu.be/8kyIRIDQbug



By Leesa DeVantier, Sep 22 2017 01:41PM

Because I go quiet in between publishing dates, as I am busy writing the next book or buried in some new project or venture, it had been suggested to me that I start blogging. I'm not going to lie, it kind of scares me that people will be reading my thoughts rather than my fiction. Do I want the world to know how much I love chocolate??? Or that even if Billy Idol is 62, I still would date him? Luckily, I don't think that is blog worthy, even if the cat is out of the bag now.


There are plenty of bloggers out there, and they tend to talk about makeup, fashion, food and lifestyles, but what do I have to bring to the world? I already help new authors where I can, so what is it about me that can be of use? The answer is simple; the help and advice I give all the time to those who wander into my life and seek it, and maybe answers to questions or situations you have wondered about but have never delved into.


So, what qualities have I got which makes me think I can do this? Well, I've always been one to have my own mind, I have a very curious nature and speak the truth no matter how much trouble that will get me into. I have never shied away from subjects that are sometimes uncomfortable to talk about, or are seen as too illicit, so I will delve into topics and situations that maybe others won't and talk about things openly, sensibly and with the common sense and grounded nature I am known for. Of course, that's not to say that my sarcasm and wit won't shine through as well, but I hope to be able to help people, open up topics for discussion and try to make the world a more bearable place for us all. After all, isn't that what we would all like to do, other than win the lottery, be able to eat everything our heart desires without gaining an ounce and find someone that would give the latest Hollywood heartthrobs a run for their money in the looks department? FYI, if I had to pick one, I would be eating my body weight in cake right now and not gaining an ounce, sorry world peace, I love cake too much and the gym not enough.


I'm sure there will be sensible articles, gritty issues, maybe a few behind the scenes of what life in a publishing house as an author is really like and lots of thought provoking questions and answers. Don't let that put you off, I am sure there will also be plenty of humour, sarcastic comments and amusing typos too.


My first blog, well second if you count this one, is going to deal with a touchy subject for many, that of cheating. If you have ever wondered why it happens, who is doing it, how you can avoid it happening and what profiles people put out there to try and ensnare a willing partner for an affair, then you are looking at the right blog. I delved into the seedy underbelly of an online affair site, and what I found was both


shocking and funny, but also quite sad and thought provoking.


So, until next Friday, I shall leave you with this title: Is the internet allowing us to evolve to cheat? Is it ever ok to?


Until then, happy reading and take care


Leesa.


P.S If you want to leave a comment or future topic idea, click the comment button.




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